GDE750 – Week 13

Completing the First Draft and Receiving Initial Feedback from Dan

This week marks the point where I finally completed the full first draft of my Critical Report. It has taken three weeks to get everything down into a readable structure, and although the draft is far from perfect, it feels like a big step forward. Having the whole document in front of me has made the project feel much more real, and finishing the draft has allowed me to see the argument as a complete piece rather than separate sections that I had been working on in isolation.

First Draft submission:

DAN FEEDBACK

Once I had the draft in place, I sent it to Dan for feedback. His response was detailed and highlighted exactly where the work needed strengthening. A lot of his comments focused on clarifying what I actually mean when I use the word “dialect”. I had been using the term confidently throughout the draft, but Dan pointed out that I had not fully unpacked how dialect is suppressed through typographic norms or how modernist systems contribute to this. This was a helpful reminder that I cannot assume the reader knows what I mean without explaining it properly.

Dan also noted that some of my statements were too bold without enough evidence. For example, my claim that modern design culture prioritises trends over cultural nuance needed much more support. He advised me to avoid sweeping generalisations and instead anchor my points with designers, sources and examples. This is something I will need to work on when I begin refining the second draft.

Another major point was the need to strengthen references throughout. Dan highlighted parts where I had made strong claims but had not backed them up, such as the statements about dialect representing belonging and community. He also pointed out areas where I needed to paraphrase more instead of relying on longer quotes, as some of these sections felt disjointed. This is something I had expected, because the first draft was very much about getting ideas onto the page rather than polishing them.

Dan also encouraged me to avoid conversational language. There were places where I slipped into phrases like “In a way” or rhetorical questions, which made the writing sound too informal. He also asked for more consistency in dates, definitions and context, especially when describing the development of typography over time. These small details make the writing feel more academic and controlled, so I will focus on tightening this up in the next draft.

Another key area of feedback was around the use of visual examples. Dan noted that the first figures did not appear until much later in the document and encouraged me to integrate more images throughout, especially examples of expressive or experimental typography. He also asked for captions and stronger reflection on the visual material, rather than only referencing it in passing. This makes sense, because visual analysis is an essential part of a design based report.

One of the most valuable comments he made was about expanding the cultural context of dialect before focusing specifically on Barnsley. He encouraged me to discuss dialect and place more broadly before narrowing the focus, which will help the argument feel better structured. He also suggested exploring intangible cultural heritage, which I had not included in the first draft but will now become a key part of the revised structure.

Finally, Dan recommended looking at even more visual typographers, including Bunbury Studios, Aries Moross, Marion Deuchars and Paula Scher. This feedback fits perfectly with where I want the practice to go, and these references will help strengthen the link between theory and the studio work.

Overall, Week 13 has been about stepping back and understanding what the report actually needs. Completing the first draft felt like an achievement, but the feedback has made it clear that the next stage will involve tightening the argument, supporting claims with evidence and improving the academic tone. The draft now exists, which is a relief, and I feel much more prepared to move into refinement with a clear direction.

TUNE OF THE WEEK